Tuesday, February 28, 2012


I'm gonna put this out there for all 23 of my blog followers and however many random people who end up here: 
I. Love. Facebook. Stalking.

Don't pretend that you don't, because I know you do. 

When people are so caught up with putting every tiny little detail from their lives on facebook it 1) clogs my newsfeed with useless information yet somehow still intrigues me,  2) gives me something to further procrastinate homework, 3) gives me a ridiculously weird-creeper-feeling that tells me that I know a little too much about some people, and 4) all of the above.

I now have the option to remove these people from my newsfeed (Thanks, facebook!), but I'm human, and am openly admitting right here that sometimes these people are way too fun to make fun of.

The following is a scenario that I made up based off of REAL posts:

Suzy Smith:
3:00 pm "going to the mall. sooo excited to get those new heels!!"
3:47 pm "Got the shoes!! Now off to lunch with my bf!" near Cafe Rio in Provo, UT
4:02 pm-- photo upload: "I loveeeee Cafe Rio sweet pork! MMMMM!"
4:59 pm-- "Stuffed. Today was the best day ever."

Thank you, Suzy. I now know exactly what you've been doing for the last hour of your life and I think I met you once...

And facebook statuses. Tooooooo fun.
Please note that with the following I have no intentions to offend anyone. 
I'm just saying...

Facebook status #1:
"So today I'm just really in love with my boyfriend and oh em gee I am seriously so lucky cuz he just takes care of me and I feel like such a princess and I LOVE HIM!!!!! And I want you all to know that I have the best boyfriend ever and I can't wait to get married and I am just putting everything out there so all 192347252 of my facebook friends know that I'm in love, and I want you to stalk all my pics, and I check my fb every 10 seconds to see if anyone liked my status about how much I love my life.  And don't worry when we break up facebook will be the first place anyone will find out because that's just how I like to get the word out. Thanks!! <3 <3 <3"

Facebook status #2:
"This past weekend I got to go ride a roller coaster! Me and my friends Bobby, Suzy, Tommy, Joe, Harriot, and Angelina Jolie all got to go. It was so fun!  I posted some pics! Check them out!"

Facebook status #3:
"Here is a really great poem I wrote for my English class. Please comment:
I like turtles.
Turtles are green.
Turtles make my brother scream.
They are funny, but they are slow,
Where the heck are they trying to go??"

Facebook status #4:

"You were my strength when I was weak 
You were my voice when I couldn't speak 
You were my eyes when I couldn't see 
You saw the best there was in me 
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach 
You gave me faith 'coz you believed 
I'm everything I am 
Because you loved me
-Celine Dion

Facebook status #5:
"Like" this status if you think I'm cute,
write a 2 if you want to go out with me,
write 3 if you miss me,
write 4 if you think I'm smart,
write 5 if you think I'm dumb for posting crap like this on facebook,
and just log off if you're tired of reading this bogus."

Facebook status #6:
"Please share!! If 63049582093 people repost this, 
a gazillion bucks will be donated to every single hospital in America!!"

Really, people?

And then there are the occasional hilarious status updates that make facebook stalking completely worth it.  Thanks to all who continue to give me reason to check facebook.

But seriously...
 Live your life. Don't facebook it.

Have a nice day! :) 


  1. Taryn. You are incredible. Thank you for posting what everyone else was thinking.

  2. hahahahahahaha O how I love my roommate! :) I'm at work reading this and laughing my head off. Thanks for making my day! :)

  3. lol oh man, BEST.POST.EVER!!!! Seriously, you are too funny, and brilliant!! I feel the same way, I have a love/hate relationship with FB. :) Love you!!